the ball is rolling again

Until it came down, I didn’t realize just how far up my guard has been. Spoiler alert: very.

My childhood home is one of the few places I think it could have come down, and that’s where I went over the weekend. To stand in the river until my feet ached with cold, to ask my mother to sit with me until I fell asleep. (She stayed all night.) To admit that I was tired of proving that I’m okay, that I’m holding strong, and to decide to knock that shit off. I’m strong enough for myself, thanks. Believe me or don’t.

Unexpectedly had the chance to be a good friend, and managed it. I’ve taken so very much since October; it felt amazing to give a little back, to know that I finally have something to give back for the first time in almost a year.

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