Make friends, not points. There is no weakness in vulnerability and nothing compromising about being patient. Your relationships are delicate, ever changing things, and they deserve the mindfulness that can only be gained by a collaborative attitude and kind approach. Say what you want heard; don’t air all your dirty laundry.

My horoscope for the week. Perfect timing, in a way, what with all the desire to dig into the nitty gritty. Maybe I’ll work that out for myself, then. Patience; having lots to say and not wanting to wait for the right words.

It’s a good question, though: what do I want heard?

I’m tired of being the strong one.
I want to take off the brave face.
This hurts.
I’m not sure I’ll ever know how to love without losing myself.
That scares me.
I don’t trust myself.
I don’t trust other people.
I hate feeling vulnerable.
Feeling vulnerable is all I do lately.

Recently I came across this article on narcissism, and I’ll be damned if a ton of it didn’t cut right through me and my issues. This is pretty much exactly where I am lately: “What good self-love achieves, Aristotle continued, is the capacity to get over yourself. Then you are liberated to see that there’s a world around you. You are not king or queen. Instead, you know you are one of many, and those many are there to love and be with, to be known by and to get to know. You have time for others because you do not need to have all the time for yourself. You are a delight to be with, having taken in the first love of your parents and now being able to live it yourself.”

More on that last sentence later, once I’ve gotten over myself enough to not want to write about it all with more dignity than pain (ahem). That’s the reminder I needed, I think; I was thisclose to writing for revenge. That’s not the point here. And there are better ways to achieve revenge than a quasi-anonymous blog, anyway.

Plod along.


3 thoughts on “ha

  1. Interesting last paragraph .. not the plodding along one … but the one before.

    Writing for revenge might feel good as you are doing it (well, actually it doesn’t feel good…because we do it when we feel angry ..and how good can angry feel? Not to say that having angry emotions is always bad…sometimes we need that too.). At any rate, it may feel “good” in the moment, maybe we can forget it later on … maybe we chalk it up to how we needed to do that to move on. Likely many of that is true. What can also be true is … we later feel bad about our actions. Not always.

    Now, if you really are writing for yourself mostly … for catharsis, then that is different I think.

    Also … I ramble on a lot about stuffs I don’t know much about. So thank you for always allowing me to use your blog to sort my own thoughts out.

    I am not sure I paid attention to one of your main points until I just reread your blog as I was typing THIS sentence … what do we want heard? I dunno to at times…sometimes just that we can voice a thing to be heard? I don’t know sometimes.

    *plods along too … *

    • Nah, it wouldn’t even feel good then because that’s not the reason I write. I just got caught up. Probably time to settle back a minute and write for myself, then later I can sort it out and see if it has a place in the public.

      Ramble on, that’s what this space is for! 🙂 It’s why I’m here…

      For me, what do I want heard is more of a what do I need to say? Because I usually skip the things I need to say in favor of the things I think people want to hear. But If I don’t start saying the things I need to say for me, I’m going to miss some important stuff.

      • *gentle smiles* …it sounds like you have looked into yourself and decided to be the writer you wish to be *smiles* …and ..nods, about writing for yourself … I lose sight too sometimes …but tries to write for myself.

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