Thumper

So, that line in the sand. I came home from vacation to be effectively dumped by the friend I was steadfastly “not dating.” I was spending a whole lot of time with him, doing those things you do with people you date, but we. Were. Not. Dating.

It’s true, we were friends. Are friends. But any way you slice it, rejection sucks, and there I was fresh off a lovely vacation, kind of gnawing my arm off in anticipation of a reunion, ahem, and bam. He’d met a girl who he liked and who wanted what he wanted. (And which I, emphatically, did not want. Do not want.)

We’d been hanging out for about three months, which is the same amount of time I’d been with my ex when he tried to break up with me at the beginning of our relationship. To keep the story manageable, we’ll just say I didn’t let him leave me. I couldn’t handle the thought of being alone with the bitter taste of rejection in my mouth, so when none of my friends were around to help me pick up my pieces, I called him back and told him I was coming over.

In hindsight, well. Maybe not the best idea. But it’s done.

This time, when I was rejected after three months, I sucked it up and handled my shit. And by “handled my shit” I mean “went home alone and cried myself to sleep,” but hey. I’d been up for nearly twenty-two hours at that point most of them in a car or on an airplane, and I was feeling a little fragile. I woke up early the next morning and dragged myself out for a run before rounding up a friend to go to the farmer’s market.

I handled my shit. All by myself. I made peace with being alone for the foreseeable future.; I made lists, set plans, started making stuff and exercising again. I realized that I had no idea when or even if I’d fall in love again, and that was okay. It was no longer something I wanted, or needed.

The next week, which was last week, I met a boy.

I think maybe it might happen sooner than I thought, possibly.

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One thought on “Thumper

  1. *hugs you*
    As I was starting to read this I felt myself go through a range of emotions …but when I read the last two lines … I was .. relieved.

    Oh….actually … let me start from the beginning….so you can see what I was thinking as I read though this…(and so I can be gabby *smiles*)

    Ok…as I was reading this I seriously was thinking I wanted to kick this person who did this to you. (Ok…not really kick as i am not violent … but I would pay someone to kick him!)…

    And as I kept reading, your last blog made a bit more sense to me. It was like..”oh” …

    Then when you started talking about how you were handling things…it reminded me of your previous blog again … how you said history was sort of repeating itself…but how this time around you were making better decisions. And I thought….good for you E….good for you.

    Then…your last two lines…I felt like cheering. Whether something comes out of the new person or not…what I think happened …is that you are finding strength in yourself….I think it was always there….but now you know it is there….and so…I feel like clapping … the way you do at the end of a feel good movie *smiles*

    Good on you E….good no you.

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